Connecting with strangers: Has becoming a parent made me more out-going?

Connection is key when it comes to being a parent. First-time mum, Julia, talks about how she found connecting with strangers easier since having a child. Have you also experienced some lovely encounters with people you didn’t know?

Parenting can be quite a lonely experience. As much as I adore caring for my little bundle of joy and cherish our time together, some days can still feel pretty long and, dare I say, isolating. Conversations are somewhat limited with a one-year-old and I often miss the daily interactions with other adults.

However, one thing I have learnt (it might be time to expand on my ‘12 things I’ve learnt in my first year of motherhood’!) is that there is a flipside to almost every aspect of parenthood. Yes, it can be lonely, but parenting can also make you feel incredibly connected to other people – even those you didn’t know before.

My husband has jokingly started calling me “the weird bus lady” as on more than one occasion I have opened our usual recounting of our respective days with: “I had a lovely chat on the bus today.” Cue inevitable eye-rolling.

Let me expand. Over the last few months, I found myself twice in an impromptu chit-chat with another mum (child in tow) on the bus. I don’t remember who started the conversation, but after breaking the ice with the common parental introduction of “…and how old is your child?”, we soon found ourselves taking a leisurely stroll together through the picturesque avenues that is life with kids. From debating our preferred mode of transport (stroller vs. carrier) and kindergartens, to detailing developmental milestones and our kids’ changing and challenging eating habits, there was a lot of ground covered within the space of a handful of bus stops.

Both times, I was struck by how natural these conversations felt. There was a familiarity and openness that made it seem like we already knew each other. And just as quickly as they had started, the conversations ended when we said our goodbyes at the next stop. I didn’t see them again. Still, these little moments brightened my day so much that they warranted mentioning to my husband at the dinner table (and writing about now!).

But these random encounters don’t just happen on the bus. Over the last year and a half, I have found myself frequently engaging in brief chats with strangers, whether it’s pushing my daughter on the baby swings in the park or whilst sipping a Chai latte at the new baby café. Granted, these strangers are mostly other parents and the chats are pretty formulaic and revolve almost entirely around our offspring.

Still, talking randomly to people I don’t know isn’t something I was used to pre-child. I’m initially quite shy in social situations and really don’t have any adept skills at maintaining small talk, but it’s like these little humans are the invisible thread that connects us. As parents, we share so many of the same intricate struggles, complex challenges and visceral joys that it almost feels like the first awkward layer of any interaction is already removed.

Of course, not everyone is vibing. Some conversations don’t get past the initial “wow – she has a lot of hair”. Some conversations feel awkward or forced, whilst some don’t get started at all. But there are also those precious moments of instant connection that act as a gateway before expanding into other topics beyond parenthood and, who knows, might even evolve into friendship.

On my third bus-related encounter – well, it actually happened just as we were stepping off the bus (surely, this still counts?) – I met a mum and her daughter as we were heading to the same mummy-baby workout class. We started to chat on the walk there, continued on the way back, and have been meeting up almost every week ever since. All thanks to our little girls.